Racing Backwards
by alifestylechoice
Summary: There were a lot of things that were supposed to happen. One of them was that Naruto was supposed to be the next Hokage. This idea lost its value when Naruto turned up dead in the streets, his body unrecognizable. Sakura-centric, Kakasaku. Chara Death.


**Title:** Racing Backwards  
**Author:** alifestylechoice

******Fandom:** Naruto (Some Kakashi/Sakura, mostly Sakura-centric)

**Rating:** R (Hard angst, Hard sex. Character death(s).)  
**Words:** 3,172  
**Summary:** There were a lot of things that were supposed to happen. One of them was that naruto was supposed to be the next Hokage. This idea lost its value when one day in early autumn, Naruto turned up dead in the streets, his body unrecognizable.

_A/N: I've had this fic floating around for a very long time. Thanks to my beta for helping me work out what time does to one's (dusty) writing skills, and balancing new canon since this fic was first drafted._

**Racing Backwards**

There were a lot of things that were supposed to happen.

One of them was that Naruto was supposed to be the next Hokage. Kakashi had blatantly refused, and Tsunade knew that although Naruto was young, just shy of 20, he had become a powerhouse of strength and wit, and his love for Konoha was unquestionable. She could retire happily.

This idea lost its value when one day in early autumn, Naruto turned up dead in the streets, his body unrecognizable. A gritty pile of muscles and bones, the village surrounded it with grotesque curiosity. They were silent until Konohamaru happened to glance upon the hints of a seal across the body's torn-open stomach, and a certain necklace tied around what used to be a throat. The wail that escaped reached Hokage tower, where they had begun construction for Naruto's bright young face to be carved into the side of a mountain beside the leaders of yesterday.

Naruto's face would not be on the mountain anymore. It was practically wiped off his very body, but Sakura checked, double-checked, triple-checked the dental records. Blood samples. Fingernails. She was certain, and she was the best medic nin in the village, save for the Hokage herself. Tsunade felt the weight of another loved one dying before their dreams, and it was heavy and stung like the alcohol in her belly.

The funeral was closed-casket, of course, the elders down to the lowliest genin in attendance. It's not everyday that the hope of the village is killed and his body, his scrap parts, regurgitated back to his homeland, and even the civilians could feel the somber weight of the entire shinobi community in their chests. No one spoke. Those that ever doubted his loyalty to the village were silenced. Those that believed in him could not understand the loss, could not rationalize it.

They all knew who was to blame, but no one dare say it. Especially when the two remaining members of Team 7 were present.

Sakura stood next to Kakashi in front of the cenotaph, and did not say a single word. Pain swelled in her ribs, thick and suffocating; she wasn't able to cry. Every minute that ticked by, her chest constricted--it was so tight, she thought it might snap, although every medical journal and reference book she had ever read would call her ridiculous for just the thought of it.

When it began to rain, the crowd began to disperse. Kakashi's hair hung in his face. Everything felt heavy--his head felt heavy on his shoulders, his heart felt heavy in his chest. It was exhausting to be alive.

Tsunade watched the pair with a tired stare, knew that their eyes were tracing "UZUMAKI" over and over, walking that line between what was real and what was nightmare. She had seen all this before, and she wondered if it would ever get any easier. She decided that it probably wouldn't, and she left the two alone to have a conversation with their dead comrade.

Sakura stood until she was drunk on the darkness. She thought of running, just running away, her feet directionless, her knees rattling in their sockets with every drum on the ground. The rain stopped, and she looked up for the first time in hours. The trees were skeletons that reached toward the sky. Sakura didn't know what to do.

She felt a hand on her shoulder. She didn't have to look up to know it was Kakashi's; his warm, sad energy melted over her tired bones.

"No one does," he said.

-----

When they returned to Kakashi's apartment, they fucked each other until their bodies were exhausted and empty like their insides.

Sakura shoved him on the bed and climbed on top of him, her hips grinding. She could feel his erection through his pants and his fingers pressed into her thighs, burning her. Everything was hot, even as the wind tore into the outside air.

She fumbled with his belt and he sat up sharply, pulling his shirt over his head. Every touch felt like fire; he pulled her close to him, took a nipple in his mouth as he unbuttoned his pants. She spat curses; she was impatient. As soon as his cock sprung free from his pants, she mounted him, pushing him violently back onto the bed and burying him inside her, eliciting a strangled grunt from the back of his throat. She opened her mouth in a silent scream, the feeling of him filling her was familiar and exquisite, but not even close to satisfying her.

She leaned forward, wrapping her hands around his shoulders, his neck. He looked up at her, and for a brief moment she thought she saw a hint of regret. It was forgotten when he drove up, hard, into her, making her eyes roll to the back of her head and her mouth fall open, exposing her neck; the muscles there taut like spider webs.

Their hearts beat in unison, too fast, Kakashi thought. But to Sakura, these palpitations were inaudible against the flesh-on-flesh of their coupling. Her nails dug into his arms, and his hands wrapped firmly around her shoulders, thumbs pressing into her collarbone, pulling her down onto him fiercely, causing her to cry out.

"Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck," she repeated, not even knowing she voicing her pleasure. Her body's sweat slid against his, her breasts bounced with every violent thrust and she forgot that today was the worst day of her life. Her blood boiled through her veins and she was coming, hard, pulling at the hair at the nape of his neck. Her sex pulsed around his cock, and his breath caught in his throat.

She collapsed on top of him only to be thrown back, the skirt that had been bunched up at her waist torn off her body, exposing her slick skin. His sharingan eye swirled as he threw her ankles over his shoulders and entered her in one swift, hard thrust.

"God, yes!" she cried, her body bent in half. He pounded into her, her back burning against the sheets. His breath wavered; a drop of sweat from his forehead hit hers. She craned her neck and smashed her lips to his, the first time that night their lips had met. A sound like a choked sob escaped her throat and was swallowed by his tongue against hers. He jerked once, twice, and pulled away from her, gasping for air as he came inside her, uninhibited moans escaping his lips. He fell on top of her; she wrapped her legs loosely around his body. They breathed heavily.

"Sakura." It was a plea he knew she'd hear but choose to ignore. He knew that for all the times he told himself he didn't love her, he knew that he actually did, and a great deal. He also knew from the beginning that he could never really have her, because he was just filling the void of a childhood pain. She never asked much from him, and it was too much to ask of her to love him; He was broken before she was even born.

He knew that tomorrow she would be gone in the morning, to avenge the death of her comrade. There would be nothing he could do to stop it. She would tell him that it was for Naruto, and that he would do the same. She would call him a coward. She had been stubborn since she was twelve.

He had hoped to be long in the ground before he had to bury one of his students. When he woke up the next day, his arm across the empty pillow next to him, he now hoped he wouldn't have to bury all of them.

-----

Sakura found Sasuke in Ame, outside among the tall, prickly grass on the shore of a stream, about ten miles outside the main village. Her breath was hot behind her ANBU mask, but found she was having trouble breathing to begin with. She hid her chakra signature, but saw his tensed posture and knew he had been expecting her for some time now. He turned to her, slightly. She supposed that one's senses become quirw sensitive when one is blind.

"Sakura," he said calmly, his black hair long and tied behind his back haphazardly. She stood without wavering on the opposite side of the stream, peering down at the prize of her months-long search. He seemed so small right then, but she would not be deceived; the greyish-pink mass of what used to be Uzumaki Naruto was still fresh in her mind, after all.

"Sasuke." Her voice was strong, overpowered his. When she was younger, she may not have noticed the ghost of a wince across his face. "Naruto is dead."

Sasuke turned to face her fully. He hunched a little, wore a dark blanket over his shoulders and the tattered waistband of what could have been pants. His bare feet, chest, and arms wore many scars, scars that Sakura had not been around to prevent. In the back of her mind, she noted it had been nearly five years since any of them had laid eyes on Sasuke. He leaned slightly on one hand pressing into the rock he sat upon.

"I know, Sakura."

"You did it." The wind began to pick up and whipped her pink hair across her face. She was calm, surprisingly. Her stomach was settled, her shoulders relaxed.

Sasuke shifted his weight. "I did."

Sasuke didn't retreat as he felt the wind shift, her body launching toward him, her fist connecting cleanly against his neck. Before he hit the ground, he heard her let out a heavy scream before slamming her other fist into the earth, the ground cracking, collapsing, his body crumpling against the rubble.

She threw herself into the air, landing on top of him, her left knee next to his hip and her right foot against the side of his head. He didn't even flinch as the sole of her boot ripped out a chunk of his hair from his temple.

Why was he not fighting back?

She felt the blood boil in her ears, the stinging of tears in her eyes. She cursed loudly against her body's brief surrender to emotion and threw her fist into his face again. The metal of her glove caught on his nose as she thrust her fist upward, breaking it, the bridge sinking into his face with an audible "crack." His head tilted back against the rocks, lips curved into something of a smile.

"Why won't you fight me?" she screamed, her fist connecting to his left cheek. Blood spurted out the right side of his mouth. "Is it because I'm a girl?" His left cheek, now. "You think you're fucking _noble_ now or something?"

"No," he said, letting his head tilt to the side, blood trickling down his bottom lip.

"Then fucking _fight!_" Her throat was raw as she let out a yell, throwing him in the air by the threads of his cloak. Sasuke's body flew effortlessly through the air, and she flooded chakra to her feet, soaring along the wind, flipping over on top of Sasuke's body in mid-air, landing wave after wave of powerful punches into his body, anywhere she could.

He fell limply to the ground. She landed next to him, and fell to her knees by his side. She drowned out the sadness that made her body ache by beating his chest with her fists.

"Why won't you fight me, you asshole!? I'm not the weakest anymore!"

Her fists were suddenly stopped by his hand, which gripped both her small wrists. For the first time, Sakura felt her life threatened, but her heart didn't skip a beat--she was prepared to die the second she left Kakashi's bed and began her journey. She wondered for a moment if Kakashi would still continue to love her the way he did, and if he would wait for her to learn how to love him back.

Sasuke squeezed her wrists tightly, but his grip faltered.

"I'm not going to fight you, Sakura." He spoke softly, released her wrists, and let his arm flop to his side heavily. In one movement, she pulled the sword from her back and hovered over him, the blade cutting into this neck. A thin line of blood began to bead at the point.

"Why did you kill Naruto? He wanted to bring you back--we _all_ wanted you back!" Her eyes began to well in tears, but she recognized that their origins were in anger and allowed it. She could control anger.

"Naruto knew what the risks were." She could hardly hear him over the breath that made her torso heave. "He knew I wouldn't go back unless I was dead. Alive, Konoha would have nothing of me. They were glad to be rid of me. The day I left, my intent was never to return. It still is."

"Naruto wanted to change all that," she said through gritted teeth. "He _would_ have changed all that."

"He would have liked to, I'm sure."

"Do you know what you meant to him!? You meant _everything_ to him! He left us— Shishou, Kakashi-senpai, me—everybody that loved him, to go and look for _you_!"

He said nothing. She pressed the sword further into his throat.

"You were his best friend, Sasuke!"

"I know."

It was so soft, she barely heard it, thought she imagined it. She held her breath, arms shaking, gripped tensely around the hilt of the sword.

"You know, he was my best friend, too."

Sasuke's eyes opened, cloudy and translucent. His brow relaxed as he looked up into an endless black.

"He asked something of me that I couldn't possibly do. I had to kill him. He was my best friend. I had to kill my best friend." His words were slow, calculated, and most of all, tired. His sightless eyes found Sakura's. "I have no family, no clan, no brother, and no best friend. I am alone, Sakura. It is how I was meant to be."

"What was I, Sasuke? I _loved_ you. I loved you even after you left."

"I know."

"That doesn't mean anything to you?"

"You still do."

She sat up defiantly. "What?"

"You still love me. Your heart won't be still. You can't kill me. That was never your intent."

Something between a laugh and a cough escaped her lips. She looked down at his crystal eyes, his pale skin, his broken nose. She brought her hand down to his face, the gaping wounds on her knuckles a vibrant, angry red against the white of his skin. For a brief moment, she was twelve again.

Sasuke's breath hitched as the sword sunk into his chest, between his cracked ribs.

"Sasuke, you know me pretty well. I've always been pretty predictable. But, I can very well kill you, and even if my intent was otherwise, you made the mistake of believing I still had a heart."

-----

He found her lying next to Sasuke, holding his lifeless hand, staring into the sky.

It was Tsunade that sent him. "Find her, bring her back. She belongs here; we need her." She shoved her shaking hands back into her cloak--Kakashi wasn't one to bring up such matters.

But he found Sakura easily, breath caught in his throat. He only let it out when she moved her hand over her stomach.

"I only noticed you just now. Some kunoichi I am." Her voice was low and tired. She must have been so tired.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted.

"It was actually kind of anti-climactic. It feels just like I'm sure you know it does." Hot tears welled in her eyes, too weak to stop them, not sure if she could if she tried. "What kind of victory is this? Was this supposed to happen? Just--could you tell me it wasn't supposed to happen?"

All these questions were just echoes of his past. He approached, unsure if she wanted to be touched, knelt beside her instead. Fuck, when did he get so awkward and tired and desperate?

Her dull pink hair spread out around her in a pool. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes were wet, and they regarded him with a look he had never seen before. He could see a peace in them, but it was only a ghost.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," he said to her, the lie bitter on his tongue.

A sob ripped from her throat. "God..." she hiccuped a few times. She wept for several minutes, Kakashi kneeling by her side. She didn't bother to wipe away the tears, the snot; she just laid there as sobs wracked her worn frame.

Kakashi stared, eyes half-lidded; he knew so well how painful it was to be alive. He will be by her side for the rest of her life; he is all she has left.

She stopped crying eventually, and looked up at Kakashi. "I suppose we should bring him back."

He nodded.

"Kakashi."

She reached out to him with the hand not holding Sasuke's. He took it in both of his, her skin as cold as his had been as long as he could remember.

-------

They were met at the gates with little resistance. She held the weight of her former teammate over her shoulder. As she walked through the gates, her eyes stared ahead, her destination at the forefront of her mind.

Kakashi followed behind at her request. He would not offer to help; it was her right to carry the body back to Konoha.

A hush fell upon the town as she made her way down the main street. Every step was heavy, made breathing difficult.

She locked eyes with Tsunade as Hokage Tower came into sight. She couldn't read her expression. For a girl who always wanted to grow up and be stronger, Sakura wanted nothing more than to race backwards, suspending her youth. She wondered if she was only a spirit of who she once was.

Sakura stood in front of her shishou. Sasuke's body slipped off her shoulder and onto the ground beside her. Kakashi regarded it solemnly.

Tsunade stepped forward. She knelt beside the body, eyes of the shinobi community upon her. She felt no pulse in the boy she once remembered as the shining star of the academy who had become nothing but a villain, a ghost, but was still just a boy. What evil had he seen? What choices must he have made?

She stood, blond hair hanging limply around her face. "Thank you, Sakura. Please, let's begin."

Sakura nodded. She looked back to Kakashi. Tentatively, she reached out her hand. He took it once more, the blood that stained their hands intermixing. He held on tight.

"Are you ready, Hokage-sama?" he asked.

Again, she nodded, and they both approached the tower.

-end-

_Thanks for reading--please review if you have the time!_


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